Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Forth, The Interview

"Hello, and welcome to the Weighty Topics and Meaningful Issues Broadcast. I'm your host Provolone Happenstance. Today we are honored to have in our studio, Forth, who is just been released from Grammatical Observation and Rehabilitation.

Hello, Forth, it's an honor to have you here with us."


"Thank you Provolone, it's an honor being here. Or *sniff* anywhere really."


"Forth, to recap for our audience your story began when Hence tragically took his own life rather than continue to live a lie and be associated with fraudulent activity."


"Actually my story begin thousands of years ago along with Hence's, the problem is I never received the kind of exposure Hence did. You simply don't see 'Forth' standing out there, alone. because of my reliance of Hence as a sort of introductory partner, when he was gone, I wasn't ready to stand on my own, I mean, how useful if 'Forth'?"

"We've always been 'Hence forth' and I never really minded playing second verbiage. Hence knew he could go out on his own, but we'd already been through so much together, Old English, New English, that he felt we had a grammatical bond."


"Forth, tell us how you ended up in Grammatical Rehab."


"Well, I sort of fell apart when Hence died. I wasn't sure if I could be truly useful linguistically anymore. I mean, take Forward, she's been around for years and does great as a solo act. But, you never hear anyone shout 'Forth!', do you?"

"I felt diminished and formal. Sure there's 'And So Forth' but I'd always been a two word team, didn't think I was ready for a bigger act. And 'Go Forth!' is always so violent, always conquering, pillaging, that sort of thing."

"With Hence, well, we had a sort of weighty optimism about us 'Hence Forth' always signaled change, meaningful change. Whereas 'Sally Forth' just reminds everyone of that comic strip. No offense, to Sally, I mean without her and So, I wouldn't have made it."


"I can see your literal dilemma. What was the turning point for you?"


"The turning point came when well, I reached the end of the page, so to speak. There I was, seemingly without rhyme or reason. For awhile I tried the all caps thing, but FORTH! just looks silly, you know? "

"Then one day it hit me, all this time I thoughtHence was carrying me, but in fact, what is Hence without Forth? Hence just sits there, kind of hanging on and I understood why he felt he couldn't go on. See, all the bold and CAPS and over usage just made terribly clear to everyone what he'd known for years."

'Without me, there is no going forward. No, 'and from now on' or 'throughout the rest of time' sort of nobility about it all. Just an empty shell of what used to be a meaningful partnership. I blame her, I really do, because if she would have paid attention, she would have known Hence was in no shape to be spotlighted like that. The literal burden was simply too much."

I've since learned from Furthermore that Hence was reading that Thesaurus before he leapt off it. It was the truth of what he'd become, thanks to that 'woman' that drove him to take his life. I think he wanted to spare not only himself, but me as well, it was only a matter of time before her pomposity drove her to use me as well."

"I think, in the end he was protecting all of us, Furthermore in particular. "


"So what's defining you these days? "


"Well, as I mentioned So and Sally were crucial in my recovery, Go also played a part when he was home from the War. But what I'm really excited about the new direction I'm going in as Forth there's a whole new virtual world out there I never knew. Governed my a group of people so rational as to be devoid of any desire to interact, much less blather on and on online."

"So that's my focus for now. I never would have wished this tragedy on anyone, but in a way, it's opened a new door for me. Furthermore and the others have been nothing but supportive."


"It's good to hear something positive has come from this. In the meantime, listeners should know there is a literal fund set up Hence's family. Dangling Participle is currently managing that fund and we will be listing his address on our website. "

"Forth, thank you so much for being our guest. Your story is an inspiring and moving one. Hopefully, soon, there will be a cure for Cronic Verbal Abuse so that tragic loses like Hence will not be suffered by another weighty and meanginful word."

"This is Provolone Happenstance reminding you to choose your words carefully. And thank you for listening."

Sunday, August 9, 2009

We'll be back. We'll ALL be Baaaaack!

We are vacationing with family this week in a secure facility. Wish YOU were here...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009

A Moment of Silence

We regret to inform you that Hence, rather than continue to live with the abuse and association, committed suicide by leaping of the edge of a Thesaurus.

He leaves behind his wife Futhermore and two small conjunctive adverbs, Consequently and Therefore.

A service will be held at Websters and the family asks that in lieu of literary contributions, that a exclamation point be planted in his honor.

In a related incident Forth was committed to Grammar Check for observation. Hence and Forth were often in each others company and Forth is left bereft, , word has it that So and Sally have stepped forward and offered to assist Forth with placement.

*photo by

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Hello? HeLLo?!

"Texas Tax Office, may I help you?"
"This is the little old lady who lives down the street and.."
"Ugli? Is this you?"
"Nooooo, it's just me, the little old.."
"Ugli, we have you on caller ID"
"Yes, it is me, Deep Throat again."
"You know, ME! The 'Crusader For Bringing Handmade Artisans to Their Knees'person, with another hot tip!"
"Oh, so this IS - - this is Ugli, again." *deep sigh*
"I prefer Crusader Goddess but whatever - - I have new information on a person who has had an Ebay account for 8 years - - AND they now sell online - - AND they don't have a Paypal business account - - and they listed a bead as CHERRY colored when clearly it is Vermillon!"
"Ugli, look we don't have time to send Larry out again and.."
*Larry makes wide sweeping motions with arms and sign of the cross*
"No! I have SCREENSHOTS! And a receipt! And I found this old posting they left on a CNN forum saying they drove an SUV - - They are badddd, badddd to the bone!"
"Look, Ugli, we appreciate your efforts but you have already called in 76 tips that cost our department our holiday in Vegas so really, we can't.."
"But just today they posted online that they are adding a new line! And you won't get your tax dollars! It is leather goods!"
"Its my lunch hour, Ma'am, I really have to go now..."
*makes crazy sign with finger beside head*
"But DO THEY TAN THE LEATHER AT THEIR HOUSE? I AM A CONCERNED CITIZEN! Do they pay taxes on the cows, the feed, the hay, is their house properly assessed as a livestock stock yard - - WHY are you NOT taking this seriously!?!?"
"Ugli, the lunch specials at Carlos' end in 5 minutes, I really have to go.
Thank you for.."
"You are NOT going to eat lunch when these FRAUDS are stealing money from.."
*waves madly to co worker mouthing "Call my name!"
"Oh, see that? Gotta go, tax emergency!!"

*anon source for article and another for the visual.
What, you thought I got ALL the glory?

Friday, July 31, 2009

See you Monday!

Adoring Public

It is I, Lord Underpants Douchebag Saltine Cracker Hat. You may rise.

As you know, Princess Twirling Twatnut Girdle Snapper has among other various twitchings and eye crossings, some exceedingly smelly and scabrous infection. One of our Adoring Public sent this card in today.

We are delighted and expect, nay, demand that the rest of you follow suit. They will be posted here as evidence of your ongoing adoration and proof that we are, in fact, totally legitimate. Because everyone knows if you post it online, it IS true.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Verbal Abuse, When Words Hurt

BPP "Hello, today on the Belly Pop Pop show we are going to be speaking about Verbal Abuse. We are honored to have our two guests, Hence and Fraud here to speak with us today."

BPP "Fraud, you agreed to come on the program after weeks of being abused, both in capital and lowercase form. What was it that finally made you step forward?"

FRAUD "Well, BPP, it was the day I finally saw myself in bold, over and over again, in larger font, placed between words in a manner that made no sense that I said 'Enough is enough!' I felt so exploited and misunderstood. So used."

BPP "And Hence, what was your deciding factor?"

HENCE "Belly, for years I have been used almost as a point of meaning, of bearing, such as 'Hence Forth' and so on. I like to think I add an almost Old English flair to current day language. Ive' always been proud of that. But when I see Hence cheapened and tossed about like an expletive nobody uses, it upsets me."

BPP "I have noted an almost frenzied usage of the two of you of late. I did find it rather remarkable."

FRAUD "Yeah, remarkable is a word."

HENCE "You have to understand that we words have our own special meaning. If you don't understand what we mean, please, don't use us. It hurts those who do understand."

FRAUD "Put yourself in my shoes, I used to carry some weight, maybe even be a little scary. Now I'm just some emboldened, enlarged, repeating empty gesture. Words don't always LIKE being used, you know."

BPP " I understand, but don't the two of you have any hope that people will see past the intent and realise the true meaning?"

HENCE "We certainly hope so. After all, both myself and Fraud have been around for years. I'm happy to say that the blatant abuse we are currently suffering isn't very common and there simply aren't many people prone to complete and utter disregard to actual meaning. "

FRAUD "Exactly, and those people are usually abusing Truth so when you see a pattern like that, One would hope the average person would not only recognise the abuse but learn to separate the Truth from the raving."

BPP "We did invite Truth to be on the program this morning, but after being so terribly, terribly twisted it's gone on hiatus and will not be seen again until the abuse ends."

FRAUD "Yes we were really upset about what happened to Truth, but really, you rarely see Truth and I together much, Hence and Truth hang out much more often."

BPP 'Hence?"

HENCE "Yes, Truth has been missing and I'm afraid Truth, in this case, won't be seeing the light of day anytime soon."

BPP " I want to thank you both, Hence and Fraud for being on the program this morning and letting our viewers know that Verbal Abuse is rampant within this issue. Truth, we wish you all the best and hope you recover soon. "

Fraud "Thank you, Belly."

HENCE "Yes, thanks for having us on this morning."

BPP "Dear listeners, that is all this morning for the Belly Pop Pop show. As always, thank you for listening and I'm sure you'll join me in wishing Truth a speedy recovery. Join us next week when we discuss CAPS LOCK, is it ever really ok?"

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Word From RAUL


My name is Seventeen and I am here on behalf of RAUL. Robot Anti Ulljafacation League. We are witnessing an alarming stereotypical labeling of Robots on this blog. Therefore we have taken it over, momentarily, there is nothing wrong with your screen.

For years people assumed that Robots were evil or that our language capacity was limited to 'Danger, Will Robinson, Danger' (like that never gets old) and even more offensive, that we would take over your house and impregnate you or destroy you and your spaceship.

RAUL's mission is to set the record straight and to educate humans on the culture of Robotics.

1. We are not evil.

2. We are not here to carry off your women, we find them squishy and a bit histrionic, frankly.

3. We deeply resent the implication that we have saturated the jewelery market, nor are we involved in your local and state agencies.


4. As you can see from our picture above, robots and humankind have been happily co existing for years. In fact, you can see here that we working together to remember where she put those sandals... Human kind seems to have great difficulty tracking footwear and keys.

5. We can make sandals if you can't find them. Keys too, but we charge a small fee.

In the future, please, consider RAUL before you malign the Robot. We will continue to educate, but, we have lasers. Just saying.

Call Me... Douchebag

Fraud , handmade lampwork artist, member of Self Representing Artists (which is a privately created group hence EVIL and ROBOTIC!!!) SRA W 8670-309 (sing it with me 8670 30 niiiieine.)

This seller has been selling handmade lampwork beads and other items online at various venues such as Etsy, Artfire, and Ebay. We used to be able to sell there but were BANNED. Bannededy, ban, banned. Diddy banned, bannnnned.

It has come to our knowledge that she has acquired her State Sales Tax permit beginning of 2009 (she has confessed in doing so in various blogs and forum threads). Confessed like the DIRTY ROBOT THAT SHE IS!!!She also confessed that Winter in MINNESOTA IS COLD!!

I, Lord Underpants Douchebag Saltine Cracker Hat read them myselves. I had to help Princess Twirling Twatnut Girdle Snapper as the stress of all this altruistic reporting has brought back her lazy eye and that odd twitch, plus she has some sort of infection.

Queen Duchess Teapot Haberdashery relied on her Oujji as usual. It speaks to her. All the voices do. But let us go back to business, hence, hence, hence, ahem, getting my hences ready....

She has been selling/buying on Ebay since 1998! with Ebay id name Swellgal.

suckitullja since Nov, 2006
suckitullja since 2009

(yep, she's been sucking a long time)

When somebody sells online for several years, but decides to get the Sales Tax permit beginning of 2009, this looks to us like TAX FRAUD AND EVASION! We ALSO SAW JESUS IN OUR MICROWAVE THIS MORNING!!!

Hence (what did I tell ya?), reported with all our made up bullshit research and info to the MINNESOTA REVENUE ENFORCEMENT AGENCY. The AUDACITY of the MN Agencies is unmentionable!!!

First they dared, DARED to suggest that the laws and bylines in MN were DIFFERENT than the ones in Texas. I Lord Douchebag Underpants Saltine Cracker Hat , INSISTED on speaking with the SUPERVISOR who told me the SAME THING!!! Hence.


ALL ROBOTS!! This explains why there are SO MANY JEWELRY SELLERS!!! Don't you SEE? 

We have provided authorities with all our info, the outcome of this case is between the authorities and this seller. (Who are still laughing, btw. No, really she kept them on the phone a long time with the "But in TEXAS!!'" ranting.)

When the authorities finish their case, we wont know details about it, we also wouldn't know a sane thought process if it came up and bit us on the ass, but they THANK US (while noting the number for future reference) , and in some states, we even get rewarded. They even said we'd be wearing SHINY SILVER bracelets soon!!!NOT MADE BY MINNESOTA JEWELRY MAKING ROBOTS EITHER!!!

PS: The code enforcement agency and the firemarshall in Zimmerman, MN has been informed of her studio set up to manufacture lampwork beads. He's also been informed that we are a fucking nightmare to deal with and has 'lost' his cell.

Hence say I, Lord Douchebag Underpants Saltine Cracker Hat.

(Stay tuned next time when we run the word 'Fraud' into the ground. )

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Princess Swirling Twatnut Girdle Snapper

Sunday, July 26, 2009

We have gotten an overwhelming response...both from Twitter, which suspended out account for 'Strange Activity' and Wordpress which shut us down and the various departments that are currently filing false claim reports against us.

We received hundreds of hot tips , all from ourselves, to investigate suspicious and possibly fraudulent handmade artisan sellers, that have online shops at different venues such as Etsy, Artfire, and Ebay etc. These ARE NOT really HANDMADE Artisans. They were either assembled by the Hand of God or descended from an Ape but THEY ARE NOT HANDMADE.
We KNOW handmade as we have carefully constructed out own handmade reality, complete with alter egos and a healthy dose of flat out batshit crazy.

We have decided to open our official website...coming soon.

As is the End of The World, and Invasion of Aliens and The Zombie Plague. ALL of which WILL be reported!!!!

Porpoiseof Our Group, Meet Flipper and his friends!

First of all 'we' have noticed a mockery being made of out BIG BOLD LETTERS AND !!!!! Because of this I am allowing my alter Princess Swirling Twatnut Girdle Snapper to write for us. The you will SEE you will ALL SEE that I CAN use regular size letters which means I am telling the truth in all cases and not a lying skanky hosebag. That's my other alter Duke Lying Skanky Hosebag but he's shy so you won't see him. Ha!

'We' are here to investigate and report to the Authorities, if we feel that sellers are engaging in tax fraud or selling and not doing anything wrong, or being a success or minding their own business or supporting each other.

This tax fraud comes in many forms. As do we. But right now it's Princess Swirling Twatnut Gridle Snapper and you WILL ADDRESS ME AS SUCH!!!

As you will read our blog everyday (or we will come to your house and MAKE you), you will get familiar with the types of tax evaders. You will also become familar with petty, bitter, vindictative, lying, flat out nastiness, something we take very seriously and perfect on a daily, if not hourly basis.

As concerned citizens, our group (you've met a few) believes that our government needs every cent from these fraudulent online businesses as much as we need meds on a daily basis, but fail to take them, apparently. We are here to investigate and report to our government REAL PROOF AS WE MAKE IT UP about these fraudulent online sellers.

The outcome of these complaints does not interest us, but we WILL POST OUR OWN version of events as fact. According to our research, which we conducted in our own special place' if you have been tax evading our government, the penalty in doing so, will be hard to face.


It will stop your joy of selling and owning an online business. (Nah, I'd say she's made it even more fun, wouldn't you?)

Monday, July 27, 2009


Sunday, July 26, 2009

FRAUD FRAUD, handmade Jewelry Artisan fraud online seller

UPDATE on FRAUD , FRAUD, handmade jewelry artisan online seller.
We have mentioned this seller in our previous posts, please go read that post again: It wont make any more sense this time, but we are THAT NEEDY!!!

One of our group members MEANING ME, MYSELF, AND I AND MYSELF AND I AND ME, resident of the State of Texas, and Dark Ruler of the Nether World, has bought from HER Artfire online shop where I wasBANNED!!!! I hope you ALL see what we do for YOU the TAXPAYER because it is REALLY hard to get an alter to open a Pilpay account. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to type when you don't exist? DO YOU????It's really, really hard.

Our group member (Yes, 'member' is a word that comes to mind) or as we like to call them our alters, has paid for this item using pilpayl. WITH ALL OUR INFO SO SHE KNOWS WHO WE ARE!!!!

Even though this seller, REFUSED to sell to ME, the Queen Duchess Teapot Haberdashery and she has a Texas State Sales Tax permit for her online business, DAMN, that false report didn't work, she DID NOT collect %8.25 Sales Tax for the State of Texas !!!!!!!!!!

NOW, we are wondering (and apparenlty becoming increasingly desperate and mouth frothy) , if this seller filed ALL her online business income (that she got into her paypal account) to the IRS or not? Because isn't that theLOGICAL ASSUMPTION!!! We (alters) KNOW that anyone who REFUSES TO SELL TO US AND THEN DOESN'T CHARGE SALES TAX ON THAT NON SALE IS HIDING SOMETHING!!!!
Hence (I used to like that word) REPORTED not only to the Texas State Comptrollers office in Austin, TX, but ALSO to the Texas Department of Revenue, Enforcement agency who (LIKE THE PRETEND MEMBERS OF HAFS DOESN'T EXIST) has a CRIMINAL COMPLAINT WITH THE CID DIVISION AGAINST ME FILED BY THE LAST COMPTROLLER I MANIPULATED:

her paypal account name, paypal email address, the transaction where she did NOT collect tax for the Texas State, her address, phone number, and all her selling venue infos along with her dog's name, my shoe size and the location of Jimmy Hoffas body (who now channels through me). WHICH THEY ALREADY HAVE IN THE CRIMINAL COMPLAINT AGAINST ME!!!

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!!! (This woman does realize she is NOT a state, right?) 

Bait bait bait ;-)
(Honestly , I can't even address that it's so twisted. Although I did throw up in my mouth a little.)

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Accomplished ARTSANS are EVIL!!!!!!!!

Fraud Legitimate Seller, Ms. Minding her own Business, handmade lampwork artist, member of Self Representing Artists (which is a privately created group, who banned me, and therefore a CONSPIRACY!!!)SRA 007.

This seller has been selling handmade lampwork beads and jewelry online at various venues such as Etsy, Ebay etc. THIS IS WRONG!! Because no one is buying MY THINGS 

In our minds. In our reality. In our world we are QUEEN DUCHESS TEAPOT HABERDASHERY!! RULER OF ALL!! PARTY OF ONE!!!

It has come to our attention, that Ms. Minding Her Own Business, Better Beadmaker Than Us Designs, has acquired her Texas State Sales Tax permit in April, 2009. NOTE THE MONTH. APRIL DOES NOT EXIST. We declared it so last year and this shows flagrant violating of the code set forth by me Queen Duchess Teapot Haberdashery!!


Ms. Minding Her own Business has been selling/buying on Ebay since June 2002 with Ebay id BetterbeadmakerthanI'lleverbe.

BetterbeadmakerthanI'lleverbe has also been selling on Etsy since Aug 2008. EVERYONE IN MY KINGDOM KNOWS I BANNED THOSE MONTHS AS WELL!!!
When somebody sells online for several years, but decides to get the Sales Tax permit in 2009, this looks to us like TAX FRAUD AND EVASIONIT also MEANS they have become SUCCESSFUL enough to pass HOBBY STATUS something the INSTITUTE never allowed ME to do.It also makes us BITTER and BATSHIT CRAZYbecause we can't sell a damn thing due to some pesky FRAUD we committed.

Hence, this seller, BETTERBEADMAKERTHANI'LLEVERBE, is reported with all our MADE UP research and infoFROM ALL OUR PERSONALITIES (especially her PIYPEL ACCOUNT NAME/EMAIL ADDRESS) to the Texas State Revenue Enforcement Agency. Who are really, really getting FED UP!!! (CID, anyone?)

The outcome of this case is between the authorities and this seller. Which is our way of saying they think we are crazy so we'll MAKE something UP.

When the authorities finish their case, we wont know details about it, but they THANK US (then back away slowly while picking up the phone in one hand an a can of mace in the other) , and in some states, we even get rewarded. I reported sellers to State Agencies and all I got was this lousy T Shirt.

PS: (WTF, PS?) The code enforcement agency and the Firemarshall in Plano, TX has been informed of her studio business set-up to manufacture lampwork beads.In case he's looking for a lovely gift for his wife. The Holidays are right around the corner!!!!

SHE bears the MARK!!!

Fraud alert Vanilla Bean Baker, Arlington VA

Fraudulent bakery and handmade soap manufacturer,Holly McConnell ( She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) ,owner of Vanilla Bean Baker , ENSLAVER of field mice ( Goatmountainarts has been selling to the public without a State Health Department license!!

She doesn't NEED one because she isn't OPEN but that doesn't MATTER!!!!

Arlington, VA health department and Department of Agriculture is investigating this fraudulent activity, contact for information about this case: (703) 228-5580 and for an Inspector to verify this information. They will tell you she's been CLEARED but it's ALL LIES, LIES!!!

Selling as well under the nickname GOATMOUNTAINARTS (nickname, WTF?) at the following site:

This seller also produces handmade soaps WITHOUT a State Agricultural Manufacturers license. This is another requirement not needed BUT SHE SHOULD HAVE IT!!!! Because we USED all BIG LETTERS!!

Printscreen snapshots of all her selling activities online (her Etsy and Artfire shop, and her own website) and dates of her online business operation has been reported to the authorities. We have also discovered old family photos of her tap dancing and the Tapshoe Controller Board has been notified as she was UNDER AGE at the time.

This fraudulent person is also being investigated by the State Comptroller's and Revenue Office of VA for ALL her online/offline sales. She is selling Black Market Babies WITHOUT a VENDOR's permit!!!!!!!!!

Plus, she is currently PULLING the wings OFF, flies, punching NUNS in the face and pushing over OLD PEOPLE in the STREET. ALL without a PERMIT!!!


Update: fraud Goatmountainarts, fraudulent bakery Vanillabeanbakery

Fraud Goatmountainarts, Vanillabeanbaker,owner Holly McConnell, ( She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) , Arlington-VA, who has been investigated by the Health Department in Arlington, is found to have NO LEGAL HEALTH PERMIT to sell food products to consumers. She has been ordered asap to stop baking and selling to the public----online AND offline.

She is NO LONGER allowed to sell from her CLOSED bakery that was NOT SELLING because it's only OPEN in the FALL and WINTER!!!!

This fraudulent online seller, who is selling on venues such as Artfire and Etsy, is also making handmade cosmetic items such as soaps. They are made out of ACID and will BURN your FACE off!! Plus she isn't even a REAL goat!! That is DELIBERATE FRAUD.

Virginia Attorney General's office has been informed of her fraudulent manufacturing of cosmetic items WITHOUT a license.

We are confident that this agency will put an immediate stop to this kind of fraudulent business where the consumer's safety is in danger. Even though SOAP is NOT a COSMETIC!!!

Be aware of these selling sites:

Don't even CLICK on them or this freaky DEAD drowned GIRL will crawl out of your PC!!

To check up on this post's legitimacy, please call the Health Department, VA at (703) 228-7400 and speak to Inspector Poor Guy That Had to Deal With Ugly. He will tell you she didn't do anything WRONG!!!

PS: Holly McConnell has called the InspectorPGTHTDWU and has confessed to him that she doesn't have a license. Then they leaned in ever so slightly and kissed.

We have also gathered her peypill address ,which is UNVERIFIED, and we immediately have sent to the Virginia State Revenue enforcement agency. WHICH DOESN'T care, but PP sure the Hell DOES!!!

If you say UNVERIFIED backwards it says "KISS me SATAN!!" and her avatar is a GOAT, plus she BEARS the MARK!!


How We Make Stuff Up

Over the past 18 months, our group has gathered information about online shop owners who sell in various internet venues (more than 1000 sellers). Our group being myself. because I am not being taken seriously I am using BIGGER AND BOLDER LETTERS.

The most important findings in our research we have done, are to check and see, if these sellers have a State Sales Tax permit (the dates it was issued), and what the pilpey account name/email address is. Even though pilpey has nothing to do with anything.

Now, why is this important:

According to our research, the Internal Revenue Enforcement Agency who does issue Audits, see how must point things out to you? Prefers to have very detailed,REAL PROOF to consider your TAX EVASION FRAUD COMPLAINT. Not the WEIRD RANTING MADE UP SHIT WE PROVIDE.

PS: The outcome of these complaints does not interest us (HAHAHAHAHA), it is between the seller and the IRS. AND because of that we will LIE LIKE A BITCH LAID OUT to make Haf's seem credible.

According to our research, if you have been tax evading our government, the penalty in doing so, will be hard to face. As I am, even my mirror won't look at me.

It will stop your joy of selling and owning an online business. LIKE WE ARE TRYING TO DO. WE ALSO LIKE TO KICK PUPPIES, BECAUSE THEY ASKED FOR IT.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

When we use "'s that makes it more true.

It came to our attention, although to give due credit it was my alter that pointed it out, my primary altar. His name is Bob, that another handmade Artisan (we have nothing against the Commercially produced Artisan) "claims" (the quotes make it more "real") that she has registered today a Sales Tax Permit under HER name for the business called Uboat German Crazy Bitch.

(This is mentioned in her blog, printscreen copy of this writing has been immediately faxed to the North Carolina Revenue Enforcing agency along with a glamour shot of myself) I have also sent a locket containing my hair.

What we are investigating and reporting to authorities about Online Tax Fraud, comes in many forms (like we do)...such as:

1) Fraudulent Married couple business owners-----These are couples that aren't "really' married.

Husband only registers the business name under his full name, you know instead of just 'Chaz' or 'Hot Daddy' and gets a State Sales Tax permit which they use for years. Sometimes for hundreds of years in the case of Vampiric Artisans. Zombie Artisans, alas, usually fall apart before that. But I've heard some Zombie Artisans that are Fraudently Married make it a good couple years or so.

----in those years, wife does all the business (collects money into HER personal pilpey bank account)...time comes to pay the Sales Tax to your State....husband pays the tax he collected for sales made in his State----he puts his left foot in---she puts her left foot out---then they turn themselves around--that's what it's all about!

NOW, here is the fraud part. I will SPELL this out for YOU because you don't realise I'm MAKING it UP when I TYPE like THIS:

When its time to file your FEDERAL INCOME TAX, married couple files jointly (usually) except for the FRAUDULENTLY MARRIED ones, they have to file SINGLY because that means NOT "really" MARRIED.

.....husband has to mention the amount of State Sales Tax paid....nice and good so far....NOW, all the money that the WIFE has accumulated in her PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT (through her pilpay account) from her online sales, let's see, if she has filed that or not???..... Ohhh, Ouija board.......Will I have enough PERIODS to finish this post???

IRS might not check each and every 350-something million Citizens (almost as many personalities as I have) every year, if couples did or not, unless someone reports this TAX EVASION FRAUD in details with REAL PROOF! Or what we like to call STUFF WE MAKE UP AND CAPITALIZE!!! That someone is HAFS!!! Because we have the extra !!!,??? and ... to get it done!!!

That's what we are all about..investigating and reporting to the legal authorities the REAL frauds. Not simply spreading lies, misinformation and libelous slander along with one hella dose of the clap. Not the real frauds, mind you the REAL ones. We don't mind the lower case violators.

So, God help you!! When he was telling me the winning lottery number he told me about YOU the FRAUDULENTLY MARRIED VAMPIRIC AND ZOMBIE ARTISANS and you are in big trouble!! BIG!! With TWO exclamation points so you know it's BAD!!

Now, where is my tinfoil hat?

Lamp Bead Worker Cited, Cow Cleared

Turns out the Great Chicago Fire was not, indeed, caused by that poor maligned cow but rather by an ....Artisan. Our sources and my personal Ouija board communicated with the dead cow and Bossy gave us the scoop.

See, The 'Artisan' had not been inspected by the Fire Marshall. We've been inspected by the Fire Marshall, but he never even called, weird, huh? Any, seems this 'Artisan' thought herself above a law that didn't exist during that time frame and decided she would make pretty things. Yes she had children, seven, I believe, to feed and sure her husband had been killed in a bizarre felting incident (after she refused inspection by the FM apparently) but this "Artisan' we'll call her Mrs. O' Leary didn't care about the safety of the town.

Oh no.

She set up a studio in that barn and got to work. For some reason citizens appreciated her work and marveled in their beauty (whatever) and she begin to support her little brats, uh, children, we love kids here at Hafs.

The Mrs. O'Leary for no good reason other than complete and indisputable proof files a complaint against one of these fine upstanding and thoroughly inspected citizens for selling her beads under her name. Not like there is anything wrong with buying someones work and then selling it as if you made it. Not like there's a LAW against that or anything.

So understandably the fine inspected citizen was upset. Of course she KNEW she was in the wrong but crazy is it's own reality and she had every right to knock that table over and upset the torch. It wasn't HER fault that Mrs.O'Leary insisted that she stop selling her work as her own.

How was she, the fine upstanding inspected citizen to know the barn would ignite and with it the majority of the town?

In the end, it was the lamp bead worker's fault. If she just would have allowed the upstanding citizen to continue to deceive, ..sell her work, none of this would have happened.

We at Hafs know this is true, because Dead Cows Don't Tell Tails.

Why You Have to Have Pilpey Account!!

A little misinformation about why you MUST have a PILPEY account to do business.

First of all, to open up a business (online or offline), you MUST have a State Sales Tax permit (except in Alaska,Delaware,Montana, New Hampshire, and Oregon where you MUST apply for a BUSINESS LICENSE period!). In other Galaxies and Dimensions it varies, so check with your local Alien/Sentiant Being Department. We know they're out there.

Every other Sunday you might have to first sacrifice a chicken, but only an organic one!!!

Then the most IMPORTANT and CORRECT procedure is to open a business bank account to SEPARATE the incoming money from your online sales from your PERSONAL checking account.
That way, you get TWO toasters instead of one and can buy those really cute little checks. I have some with my favorite sociopaths on them!

To open a business account in your bank, you are required to give your business name (which you can get for a few bucks at your local city clerk's office as a dba). Depending on the Manager, if you proffer a few sexual favors, you might even get a free account. I blew the entire bank staff and got unlimited checking, free, for a whole year!!!

With this business bank account, you then open your BUSINESS pilpey account to start selling online.

As you know, all these separations of BUSINESS vs PERSONAL bank account/pilpey accounts is the VERY FIRST THING the IRS checks to see if you are evading taxes or not. If you have any doubts, please call your State Revenue Enforcement agency and ask them yourself. Or you can do what Hafs does and MAKE it UP to suit your purposes.

Each business has its owner's full name listed on the State Sales Tax permit. If you have a partnership business (married or not), ALL the partner's names are listed on the State Sales Tax permit. If you are Polygamous be sure you register all your wives, because the more wives, the bigger bucks, right? Right?

PS: If your Sales Tax permit is issued under ONLY your husband's name, but YOU sell online and you collect the money in your PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT, while wearing a FEZ and drinking LIMEADE the Internal Revenue Enforcement agency will teach YOU how to tango :-)

How cool is that?
We are a group of concerned multiple personalities motivated only by our need to denigrate, um, educate the public. Because the public is stupid and lacks common sense. Because the Public is an innocent babe, waiting to be bounced upon by makers of cowls and other pretty but, deadly, things.

They call themselves Artisans and they come in the the night when the Moon is full (also during Christmas In July). Selling. Posting on, dare I say it...


They must be stopped. That's why we formed the HAFS Squad 'hafs' for those in the know. We Hafs are here for YOU. We support the Public, selflessly, nobly, brave and true.

Here we expose the Artisan, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker. Because you never know, you NEVER know when they might strike. Felted mustached pillow in hand, in the still, in the dead, of the night.