Saturday, July 25, 2009

Why You Have to Have Pilpey Account!!

A little misinformation about why you MUST have a PILPEY account to do business.

First of all, to open up a business (online or offline), you MUST have a State Sales Tax permit (except in Alaska,Delaware,Montana, New Hampshire, and Oregon where you MUST apply for a BUSINESS LICENSE period!). In other Galaxies and Dimensions it varies, so check with your local Alien/Sentiant Being Department. We know they're out there.

Every other Sunday you might have to first sacrifice a chicken, but only an organic one!!!

Then the most IMPORTANT and CORRECT procedure is to open a business bank account to SEPARATE the incoming money from your online sales from your PERSONAL checking account.
That way, you get TWO toasters instead of one and can buy those really cute little checks. I have some with my favorite sociopaths on them!

To open a business account in your bank, you are required to give your business name (which you can get for a few bucks at your local city clerk's office as a dba). Depending on the Manager, if you proffer a few sexual favors, you might even get a free account. I blew the entire bank staff and got unlimited checking, free, for a whole year!!!

With this business bank account, you then open your BUSINESS pilpey account to start selling online.

As you know, all these separations of BUSINESS vs PERSONAL bank account/pilpey accounts is the VERY FIRST THING the IRS checks to see if you are evading taxes or not. If you have any doubts, please call your State Revenue Enforcement agency and ask them yourself. Or you can do what Hafs does and MAKE it UP to suit your purposes.

Each business has its owner's full name listed on the State Sales Tax permit. If you have a partnership business (married or not), ALL the partner's names are listed on the State Sales Tax permit. If you are Polygamous be sure you register all your wives, because the more wives, the bigger bucks, right? Right?

PS: If your Sales Tax permit is issued under ONLY your husband's name, but YOU sell online and you collect the money in your PERSONAL BANK ACCOUNT, while wearing a FEZ and drinking LIMEADE the Internal Revenue Enforcement agency will teach YOU how to tango :-)

How cool is that?

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