"Hello, and welcome to the Weighty Topics and Meaningful Issues Broadcast. I'm your host Provolone Happenstance. Today we are honored to have in our studio, Forth, who is just been released from Grammatical Observation and Rehabilitation.
Hello, Forth, it's an honor to have you here with us."
"Thank you Provolone, it's an honor being here. Or *sniff* anywhere really."
"Forth, to recap for our audience your story began when Hence tragically took his own life rather than continue to live a lie and be associated with fraudulent activity."
"Actually my story begin thousands of years ago along with Hence's, the problem is I never received the kind of exposure Hence did. You simply don't see 'Forth' standing out there, alone. because of my reliance of Hence as a sort of introductory partner, when he was gone, I wasn't ready to stand on my own, I mean, how useful if 'Forth'?"
"We've always been 'Hence forth' and I never really minded playing second verbiage. Hence knew he could go out on his own, but we'd already been through so much together, Old English, New English, that he felt we had a grammatical bond."
"Forth, tell us how you ended up in Grammatical Rehab."
"Well, I sort of fell apart when Hence died. I wasn't sure if I could be truly useful linguistically anymore. I mean, take Forward, she's been around for years and does great as a solo act. But, you never hear anyone shout 'Forth!', do you?"
"I felt diminished and formal. Sure there's 'And So Forth' but I'd always been a two word team, didn't think I was ready for a bigger act. And 'Go Forth!' is always so violent, always conquering, pillaging, that sort of thing."
"With Hence, well, we had a sort of weighty optimism about us 'Hence Forth' always signaled change, meaningful change. Whereas 'Sally Forth' just reminds everyone of that comic strip. No offense, to Sally, I mean without her and So, I wouldn't have made it."
"I can see your literal dilemma. What was the turning point for you?"
"The turning point came when well, I reached the end of the page, so to speak. There I was, seemingly without rhyme or reason. For awhile I tried the all caps thing, but FORTH! just looks silly, you know? "
"Then one day it hit me, all this time I thoughtHence was carrying me, but in fact, what is Hence without Forth? Hence just sits there, kind of hanging on and I understood why he felt he couldn't go on. See, all the bold and CAPS and over usage just made terribly clear to everyone what he'd known for years."
'Without me, there is no going forward. No, 'and from now on' or 'throughout the rest of time' sort of nobility about it all. Just an empty shell of what used to be a meaningful partnership. I blame her, I really do, because if she would have paid attention, she would have known Hence was in no shape to be spotlighted like that. The literal burden was simply too much."
I've since learned from Furthermore that Hence was reading that Thesaurus before he leapt off it. It was the truth of what he'd become, thanks to that 'woman' that drove him to take his life. I think he wanted to spare not only himself, but me as well, it was only a matter of time before her pomposity drove her to use me as well."
"I think, in the end he was protecting all of us, Furthermore in particular. "
"So what's defining you these days? "
"Well, as I mentioned So and Sally were crucial in my recovery, Go also played a part when he was home from the War. But what I'm really excited about the new direction I'm going in as Forth there's a whole new virtual world out there I never knew. Governed my a group of people so rational as to be devoid of any desire to interact, much less blather on and on online."
"So that's my focus for now. I never would have wished this tragedy on anyone, but in a way, it's opened a new door for me. Furthermore and the others have been nothing but supportive."
"It's good to hear something positive has come from this. In the meantime, listeners should know there is a literal fund set up Hence's family. Dangling Participle is currently managing that fund and we will be listing his address on our website. "
"Forth, thank you so much for being our guest. Your story is an inspiring and moving one. Hopefully, soon, there will be a cure for Cronic Verbal Abuse so that tragic loses like Hence will not be suffered by another weighty and meanginful word."
"This is Provolone Happenstance reminding you to choose your words carefully. And thank you for listening."